Claudia Black Syndrome
by Roguie
Summary: It's not a fiction, but a fictional documentary about the oddities of fandom and my favorite girl. :) Not meant to be taken seriously, just a quirky moment in the middle of my personal sadness.


A/N: Don't ask... in the wake of DK's announcement tonight, I was just thinking about the last four years and how Claudia has become part of my daily existence, and how empty life will seem without her bringing Aeryn into my little world every week.  
  
Disclaimer: Claudia Black certainly doesn't belong to me, nor do any of her characters. Everything mentioned within belongs to their rightful owners, and Claudia belongs only to herself. Of course, that doesn't stop me from singing her praises every single chance I get.  
  
The girl frelling rocks. :)  
  
Author: Danae Bowen  
  
Email: logansfox@rogers.com  
  
  
CBS: Claudia Black Syndrome  
  
Claudia Black Syndrome is an ailment seen in countless individuals across the known world. This ailment, if diagnosed early, is not life threatening and can be easily treated.  
  
Treatment includes a daily dose of Claudia Black's work; episodes of Farscape or repeated viewings of Pitch Black and Queen of the Damned have proven to be most effective. Treatment schedules vary upon the severity of each case of CBS, however, viewings must not last less than four hours nor extend longer than twenty-four hours in each daily period.   
  
As mentioned previously, CBS is not life threatening, however, if the above treatment schedule is not followed to plan, CBS metamorphosizes into Claudia Black Withdrawal Syndrome (CBWS), which can unfortunately grow to be quite debilitating. Symptoms of CBWS include, but are not limited to: Dwelling on the draw of Lucky Charms; practicing one's Australian accent to mimic lines Claudia has used in the past; eagerly watching repeats of old Australian dramas in the hopes of catching a Claudia moment from her early years; dressing in black leather and telling those dressed in normal clothing that they are, quote, lesser species; purchasing Queen of the Damned after a long, desperate wait, for the mere possibility of catching Claudia on the gag reel and deleted scenes; constant and continual Claudia praising to those both interested and uninterested, no matter what the effect may be on one's personal relations with said people; having the image of Claudia as she first appeared as Aeryn, tattooed to a highly visible body part; and finally, battling to raise a thousand dollars and then driving across two countries for the mere chance of meeting the all encompassing Claudia Black, herself.  
  
There is no cure for either CBS or CBWS. Although CBS is simple to control through repeated viewings of the work of Claudia Black, CBWS is far more difficult. CBWS requires constant care; those afflicted with said ailment must never miss an opportunity to view Claudia's work, whether or not said work has been committed to memory through previous repeated viewings. Although repeated viewings of Farscape, Pitch Black and Queen of the Damned are recommended for CBS, CBWS must be treated on a higher level. Repeated viewings of Farscape episodes: The Flax, A Human Reaction, Out of their Minds, Look at the Princess Parts 1, 2 and 3, Die Me Dichotomy, Season of Death, Green Eyed Monster, Relativity, Meltdown, Dog with Two Bones and Promises are strongly encouraged. If CBWS is extremely severe, Infinite Possibilities: Daedalus Demands, Infinite Possibilities: Icarus Abides and The Choice are recommended. A warning comes with this final step of CBWS treatment: the latter three episodes mentioned carry strong emotion and intense performances by Claudia Black and should be used with extreme caution and only in the most intense cases of CBWS. If used improperly, these episodes could advance a mild case of CBWS into an extreme case, thereby rendering the victim nearly untreatable by modern methods.  
  
Neither Claudia Black Syndrome, nor Claudia Black Withdrawal Syndrome have yet been recognized by the world as a debilitating ailment, however, with the growing influx of those affected by said ailments, it will not belong until Claudia Black becomes a household name across the world.  
  
As for the author of this document, I myself have suffered from CBS for many years. Many have attempted to convince me that I suffer not only CBS but also CBWS. In response to this, I have increased my treatment, and at this point in time have the ailment well under control. We must now, however, come to the end of this examination of CBS, as this author requires several viewings of Meltdown before she can even consider the concept of sleep.  
  
Fly safe.  
  
Peace. Out. 


End file.
